You’ve reached this page after contacting me on Recon, Fetlife, Tumblr, Twitter or somewhere else and your opening line was just “hello” or “hey”.

So, here’s the thing, I’m not a terrible person, despite this really passive-agressive page.

I do always want to write back to people but it’s really hard when I don’t have much to work with, particularly if that simple “hello” comes from a pretty spartan profile too.

It is hard to make that opening move in real life and online. I like to think of it like this – you’re at a bar or coffee place and want to strike up a conversation with someone. It would be a bit weird if you walked up to them, just said HELLO and then stared waiting for a reply wouldn’t it? Online you even have some material to work with – you know a crazy amount about them, even what they look like with no clothes on…

Some tips then:

Read their profile

Work out what mutual things you have going. No point messaging that 100% sub to ask them for a good, hard, shag.

Be honest

About what you do and don’t want. Don’t try and alter yourself into something you think I might like.
Be truthful about your experience and limits.
Be upfront if you’re looking to play, I’m really bad at reading in between the lines.
And yes, I can totally figure out those that are just in it to have a wank in fantasy land.

Compliments work

Seriously, I’m a total sucker for nice words. But make sure it’s more than ‘nice pics’, see:

String together

I like it when people put some serious thought into what they’re going to say; I’m not just a passing fancy out for a quickie, and I’ll be putting a lot of effort into your Loki Bondage Experience™ so your opening contact should take at least more than 5 seconds to bash out. If you’re just trying to attract my attention, then try that cruise button – even less effort required!

Post pix pls

Yes I’m shallow, but don’t jump to conclusions about my type; brains are sexy (see above).
But I would like to see who I’m chatting to.
Similarly, most people have a penis and a butt hole, I don’t need you to send me 20 pictures of yours unsolicited.

Profiles work

Yes, I do actually look at your profile, so if that has all of the above, then great, that saves lots of time. There’s no harm in a quick summary in your message though. Read Trikoot’s guide on what not to say.

Worked example


Hi there! I saw the picture of you in that amazing rubber suit (is it from Latex Catfish?) on twitter and I thought I’d say hello, and well, you do look really cute tied up in rubber :)

Forgive me for being upfront, but I wondered whether you might be up for playing one day? I think we have lots of mutual interests and I’m sure I could entertain you in the playroom.

Happy to chat and meet socially first of course – face pics attached. Lots more about me at puploki.com

Disclaimer: I’m not some sort of amazing dating god, so if this doesn’t work for you, sorry, but this kind of thing would totally get a reply from me.

Start again?

So if you’ve read this and want to give it another try, I’ll totally reply to you.