A little drop from late last year of some new doll looks.
(If you want an early look at things I do then go follow me on OF, it’s free, but I’ll always post them here too)
Silver crossover dress: DarkVirtues
Bolero shrug: Libidex
Blue dress: Libidex
Hair and bondage hoods: Latex Nemesis
I’m not a boy. I’m not even a girl. I’m like a failed version of both.
– Mae Martin, Feel Good, 2020
This is a very personal post and I’m going to lean heavily on Mae Martin for helping me through it.
I have identified as non binary for about four years now. I am out to everyone in my life. But there is still a disconnect between the thing I think I am and the thing I see in the mirror. I was recently told that I’ve always seemed to have been uncomfortable in my own skin and that my kink identity has perhaps been a mask for that? Chasing my puppy identity, the drone, then the rubber doll but seemingly never settling.
And this is not some damascene moment, not some flash of psychologist intervention, not a hypnotic regression to realise I always wore dresses as a child or something. No. This has been a slow burn, a constant gnawing feeling that stops you sleeping. It’s always been there but you don’t notice it until it suddenly bursts forth.
I think of myself being relatively enlightened but I never really got what non binary was. I went through a lot of my life being unhappy with my current body yet unhappy with any other alternative because I thought it was a binary choice – if not boy then it must be girl. And then I saw this.
YES! I thought, that is me, I am just me, I transcend and reject that binary choice.
But here is the problem. I now know me but other people do not see me that way. Yes, those closest to me do, but in a shop or restaurant, or on the phone, I’m still a Sir.
Which brings me to the here and now. I want to boost my femme aspects – if 1 was a boy and 10 a girl I guess I’m aiming for a 5 or 6. Simply taking estrogen might help me but I also don’t want any breast growth. This might(?) change in the future but I can only do what feels right in the present.
Before I continue I want to say this is the experience of one person only. What is right and works for me may not work for you but it might help you to know you’re not on your own.
Sadly there is very little research on transgender medicine and even less on nonbinary folk. So we do our own.
It has taken me four months to find a doctor willing to help (I would not recommend GenderGP by the way) but I have finally started on Raloxifene. This is a selective estrogen reuptake modifier (SERM) which is designed to activate estrogen receptors everywhere but in breast tissue. I have also added in Dutasteride which blocks the conversion of testosterone to DHT.
It is possible that this is not “enough” for me and I might add in a low dose of estrogen down the line if I can tolerate the Raloxifene.
Even though I don’t quite know where I’m going I’m excited for the journey. I’ll be keeping this post updated with my progress if you want to come on the ride.
Rei is my spirit animal and they’re a pretty popular character to cosplay. It took a while to put together the whole set, including hours of laborious 3D printing sanding and painting the spear of Longinus.
If you love what you see and can afford to chuck some pennies at me, always appreciated but never expected 💖
Photography: HexLatex
Latex: KigCos
Helmet: AliExpress
If you like shaky camera work and giant dildos, then this video is for you.
Social media isn’t like an airport, it doesn’t need a departure announcement.
But I think some explanation is needed in this case as Twitter (I’ll be in my cold cold grave before I recognise its new name) has been my home and community since 2009. It has been fundamental to understanding my own sexuality and gender and with connecting with so so many wonderful people.
And I hate that one individual has decided to rob me of all of this.
Interaction (and I don’t mean just dopamine hits) has been down, and my timeline has been filled with actual, literal fascists. I am lucky in one sense in that my income doesn’t depend on it but for anyone that does my heart breaks to see what it has become.
So what next:
I won’t be deleting Twitter for now but I am no longer regularly active on it. I will repost joint work.
Update: I’ve started to dip back into Twitter more. I know, I’m sorry. I have a really cosy vibe on Bluesky but the bulk of my parasocial community has not followed and there are people I just miss interacting with. I’m trying to cut down, honest!
Mastodon has been flat but I’ll continue to use it.
Bluesky currently has the most promising community but I fear as it grows this will diminish but we shall see.
Instagram allows me to follow some vendors but the moderation policies are draconian.
Fetlife is ok but the level of creepy comments is unpleasant.
OF/Fansly serve a purpose especially for live streams and video hosting and I’ll continue to use them to post early exclusives before that content becomes available for free here.
The blog will stay and might actually get a bit more attention.
Tailoring content for each platform takes effort and I don’t want to simply automatically cross post either. I don’t know how best to proceed and won’t always get it right but I’ll try my best to continue to inform and help the community that has helped me so much over the last 20 years. x
This is not an exhaustive guide but is a good starting point if you are interested in expressing your inner dolly self. I hope this post will be updated over time as other makers emerge.
Firstly, the assumption here is that you are wanting to take a flat(ter) chest and augment the breast area and constrict the waist. I am absolutely not saying this is the only way – many drones go for a more androgynous look for example – but I like to feel the bounce and overemphasise the hourglass figure in a hyper-femme look. I am non binary and a large part of that for me is being able to “take off” one gender and put on another.
Many female-cut catsuits have a tendency to flatten the chest; although they have extra space cut for boobs the constriction of the latex will still de-emphasise that area. If this is what you are after, then you have a lot of choice in fit, designs, and makers.
However, the “big boob” suit is designed to augment and emphasise the chest, usually with silicone breast forms, although inflatable boobs are also available.
If you are wanting to give yourself a more femme figure, especially the chest, then you have a few options before you choose your latex second skin.
Some folks choose a full silicone body suit. There are many different makers available. I have found the suits to be extremely difficult to get into, expensive, and tear easily. If you are wearing a full latex catsuit on top then you probably don’t need to go this route, but if you want to wear more revealing outfits then it’s maybe more useful.
A silicone chest plate is kinda like a binder or sports bra, but with the boobs attached. The boobs can either be filled with cotton (lighter) or silicone (heavier but with a realistic bounce), and come in lots of different sizes of course. Again, there are lots of makers, but I have one from Dokier (eBay or Ali) and I’m actually quite impressed with it and how easily it is to get into. An advantage is that the chest plate will hold the boobs into position and you can then go choose any female-cut of suit, or mini dress, or whatever you like.
Individual breast forms are more commonly used with the big boob suits. These are just silicone separates and are easily available. I have a curved asymmetric pair from Red Rose.
Let’s deal with the elephant in the room. Fantastic Rubber were/are the best fitting and best engineered big boob suits but I can no longer recommend them due to the company’s owner. Maybe in time this changes but for now, no matter how good they are, it’s a red line for me. I still wear mine but in a gender fuck-you kinda way. The reason the suits are so good is that they have a dedicated pocket for the boobs, and a halter that goes around the neck which keeps them in a natural position.
Your next best option is Simon O’s big boob suits (male and female cuts). These do come with E cups as the minimum size, and unfortunately are in off the peg sizing only, no made-to-measure (as far as I know). So for me, they don’t quite fit right.
If you prefer Libidex then they provide male suits with breast form pockets, although you need to source your own separately and give them the sizing. The big disadvantage for me is that the pockets are simply open at the back so the breast forms can move around. If they’re combined with a corset and harness then this may not be a major issue for you though.
I’d love Kink Engineering to offer a big boob suit one day!
A quick list of extra bits you might consider to hyper-femme your outfit:
A fun session with VR goggles showing sissy hypnosis, inescapable vibrator, and mind-enhancing gasses.
Sometimes a colour is just a colour…
A recent self-shoot with the stereotypical HW heavy corset and MSA.
I know it’s perhaps not been everyone’s thing but I do enjoy occasionally letting out my rubber doll side. I’ve had huge inspiration and help particularly from Miss Velour in developing my persona; which incidentally has really helped me understand my enby-ness in “normal” life. Kink really can be life affirming.
As I now have my outfit complete I thought I would drop some of my favourite dolly pictures here.
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