I thought I’d start the new year with a wordy post for once.

I’ve spoken to a couple of people recently and some of their sentiments and thoughts echoed some of mine so I thought this might be a vaguely common thing worth writing about.

The kink community is actually a small one. We know a lot of each other and even if not directly, we’ve often played with a mutual acquaintance. We’re also narcissistic creatures that like to post and tweet about our adventures (not that this is a bad thing of itself!) and it’s difficult not to get caught in a cycle of garnering reblogs and favourites.

One of my friends spoke about “sub envy” but I think it works both ways. I as a sub have definitely felt pangs of jealousy when I see people playing with tops I like. Conversely when I’m topping and I see a favourite sub off having fun with someone else it’s difficult to stop my mind occasionally going “but they’re mine!”.

Here’s the important thing: those that are free spirits are absolutely that and we should take pleasure from their joy and experiences with others; the next time we play with them we can learn from that too.

So the next time you feel a little pang of envy, use that energy for good. If it’s a top you really want to play with, take that scene you’ve just loved as an opener. If you’ve seen a cute little sub you’d love to wrap in rope then let them know. BUT don’t be creepy and don’t be offended if you get a polite knock-back: I’m not providing topping-as-a-service – there has to be some kind of connection with the people I play with. That doesn’t mean you have to be a twinky blond 18 year old (but you know, if you are…) – brains and experience are just as sexy.