I thought I’d start the new year with a wordy post for once.

I’ve spoken to a couple of people recently and some of theirĀ sentiments and thoughts echoed some of mine so I thought this might be a vaguely commonĀ thing worth writing about.

The kink community is actually a small one. We know a lot of each other and even if not directly, we’ve often played with a mutual acquaintance. We’re also narcissistic creatures thatĀ like to postĀ and tweet about our adventures (not that this is a bad thing of itself!) and it’s difficult not to get caught in a cycle of garnering reblogs and favourites.

One of my friends spoke about “sub envy” but I think it works both ways. I as a sub have definitely felt pangs of jealousy when I see people playing with tops I like. Conversely when I’m topping and I see a favourite sub off having fun with someone else it’s difficult to stop my mind occasionally going “but they’re mine!”.

Here’s the important thing:Ā those that are free spirits are absolutely that and we should take pleasureĀ from their joy and experiences with others; the next time we play with them we can learnĀ from that too.

So the next time you feel a little pang of envy, use thatĀ energy forĀ good. If it’s a top you really want to play with, takeĀ that scene you’ve just loved as an opener. If you’ve seen a cute little sub you’d love to wrap in rope thenĀ let them know.Ā BUTĀ don’t be creepy and don’t be offended if you get a polite knock-back:Ā I’m not providing topping-as-a-service – there has to be someĀ kind of connection with the people I play with. That doesn’t mean you have to be a twinky blond 18 year old (but you know, if you are…) – brains andĀ experience are just as sexy.